WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY / MISC RAMBLES

Y'all. I kind of dropped the ball on blogging in December. Oops. I just spent time working and getting ready for the holidays. This is actually the first time I am turning on my computer since before Christmas. Crazy!

I did want to check in with my final weigh in of 2014. I lost 3 pounds (over Christmas even!) and hit the 18.2 pounds lost mark.

I know that I could have lost so much more this year if I would have just got serious. In fact, it does upset me how many weeks (err, months) I let go by without even really trying. BUT, the good news is that I did buckle down these last few weeks and have managed to lose pretty consistently. I am SO looking forward to all the changes I can make in 2015. It's super motivating to think that I could get to my goal weight in 2015!!

Speaking of goals... y'all know I love them. So, New Year's Resolutions are maybe my favorite thing. I just love the fresh clean slate of a new year. It's like the first page of a new book. What you write is totally up to  you! C and I have been talking a lot about what we want to accomplish this next year. Lots of the classics like saving money and getting healthy. But, we also want to throw in some other fun things...like travel and home buying and having a baby. Ha. I'll be sharing more about those (and my January goals) in a separate post.

As for my December goals, I didn't get as much marked off as I wanted, but I'm okay with that! I had a great month and enjoyed almost every bit of it.

1. Work out 10 times NOT EVEN CLOSE. HA!

2. Hit the 20 lb lost mark! SO CLOSE!!!

3. Finish Christmas decorating

4. Finish 52/52 book challenge (5 more to go!!) SO CLOSE... only got to 49.

5. Color my hair (FOR THE LOVE!!)

6. Hang curtains... if they ever ship!

7. Continue working on budget (I need to buckle down)

8. Set up cleaning schedule

9. Unpack 5 NON Christmas boxes :) 

10. Finish 100 Happy Days photos on Insta KIND OF ABANDONED THIS. OOPS
11. Refinish buffet and dining room chairs 
12. Get accepted into certification program (STILL playing the waiting game right now)
13. Finish Christmas shopping early (no waiting until last minute!!)
14. Dinner with J&E
15. Wash Jeep and clean inside (it's bad, y'all)
16. Work on 2015 goals and Resolutions
17. Watch another classic film and read a classic novel (for my 101 in 1001)
18. Finish organizing paperwork CLOSE ENOUGH TO CALL IT GOOD
19. Get a new cookbook (another of my 101 in 1001 goals).
20. Watch the Cowboys win!!!  NFC-EAST CHAMPS :) 

So, obviously not my most productive month. I ended up not completing my reading challenge for the year (52 books) and that kind of bums me out. BUT... I just didn't feel like reading this month. Spent a lot of time with C and family...and I am okay with that trade off. 

Okay, I'm off to get ready for C and I's super low key NYE celebrations. Seriously, I think we are going out to eat and MAY actually make it to midnight. We are kind of lame this year....

HELLO DECEMBER

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Took a little blog break the last couple of weeks in November. Oops!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. We were thinking about going to the Cowboy game and last minute decided to go out of town with my mom and Aunt for the day to the family Thanksgiving. (And...about halfway through watching the game that afternoon...we were SO relieved we didn't drop the cash for that disaster!!).

I (shockingly!) had a pretty productive November. Although, the last two weeks were incredibly difficult...emotionally. My stepdad's birthday is the 20th. He would have been 57. Last year, C and I started a tradition of going to eat at Texas Roadhouse (which was his favorite) for his birthday. It was bittersweet. I miss him SO SO SO much. I try to focus on the good times and think positively, but some times... it's just too difficult and I can't seem to function.

In happier news, I hit the 13.4 pounds lost mark. Slowly but surely. I know if I tried just a bit harder (because I'm not even close to giving it my all) it would happen a bit quicker.

As for the rest of my November goals...

1.  Celebrate our SIX year anniversary!

2.  Go to Roadhouse on Terry's birthday (this is a new tradition C and I started last year!)

3.  Exercise at least 8x  

4.  Read 5 books

5.  Try to do some stuff on my Fall Bucket List 

6.  Get Christmas decorations out of storage and organized (and decorate, if there is time).

7.  Go to church 

8.  Refinish media cabinet

9.  Get curtains for living room JUST WAITING ON THEM TO GET SHIPPED

10. Paint dining room chairs and buffet

11. Get accepted to teaching program (SENT APPLICATION, WAITING ON DECISION)

12. Get hair colored (NEED TO DO THIS!!!)

13. Get family pictures done 

14. Picture a day 

15. Finish (and win!) the diet bets I'm participating in

16. Organize paperwork SO CLOSE...GOT MOST OF IT DONE

17. Unpack 5 boxes from storage MOSTLY CHRISTMAS, BUT STILL

18. Deep clean apartment IN PROGRESS

19. Continue working on budget IN PROGRESS

20. Watch the Cowboys WIN (I'll need help with this one!)
* BONUS: Make our Christmas Bucket List (MORE SOON)

1. Work out 10 times

2. Hit the 20 lb lost mark!

3. Finish Christmas decorating

4. Finish 52/52 book challenge (5 more to go!!)

5. Color my hair (FOR THE LOVE!!)

6. Hang curtains... if they ever ship!

7. Continue working on budget (I need to buckle down)

8. Set up cleaning schedule

9. Unpack 5 NON Christmas boxes :) 

10. Finish 100 Happy Days photos on Insta (going to have to double up a few days to catch up!) 
11. Refinish buffet and dining room chairs
12. Get accepted into certification program (just playing the waiting game right now)
13. Finish Christmas shopping early (no waiting until last minute!!)
14. Dinner with J&E
15. Wash Jeep and clean inside (it's bad, y'all)
16. Work on 2015 goals and Resolutions
17. Watch another classic film and read a classic novel (for my 101 in 1001)
18. Finish organizing paperwork
19. Get a new cookbook (another of my 101 in 1001 goals).
20. Watch the Cowboys win!!! 

WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY

All throughout October, as I was writing only about weight loss, I kept thinking how freeing it would be to able to write about whatever I wanted come November.

Um... No.

Going through a bit of a boring spell right now, I guess.

Anyway, thank goodness for Wednesdays! I can share my weigh in results!! I didn't go to WW last week. The week before I gained the 1.6 that I had lost the previous week. I really wasn't sure what to expect last night!

Thankfully, I lost weight!! I actually lost 1.6 (!!!). So I'm back down to 11 pounds lost overall (at WW, anyway). I'm excited to have lost, don't get me wrong. It's just that I'm also a little frustrated in this roller coaster thing I've got going on.

But, it's my fault.

I'm not trying to throw a pity party or beat myself up. But, here is the cold, hard truth. I'm getting out of this EXACTLY what I'm putting into it. I just tried using the thesaurus for the word I want to use here (half-a**ed) and nothing quite captures that sentiment. So here's the deal: I'm getting those kind of results because I'm putting in similar effort. Plain and simple.

I mean, it's a pretty basic concept that we all sort of know. You get out of things what you put into them. Right? I mean, save for a few exceptions... that is how life works. I wont tell y'all I've given 100% on this journey. I won't even pretend to have given 75%. I have probably averaged around 50% and I think my results are proof of that.

And? Honestly? I'm not okay with this. I wish going to WW and sitting through my weigh-in and meeting were enough. I wish more than anything that WANTING to lose weight was all it took. I would be tiny! Ha. But, there is hard work involved. You have to make changes to see changes. (I'm all about the cliches today). So, I'm really challenging myself to find areas where I'm being stubborn about not making changes. And then, TACKLING them!!

This week I'm going to continue to try and track my points everyday. I think this is the best measurement of my effort. And, for whatever reason (probably because of my lack of effort) it is something that I have a hard time doing day in and day out. It's not a time thing for me (it seriously takes 2 seconds to track my food each meal) ... it's a bad habit thing. And maybe one of those stubborn things I mentioned earlier.

Hope y'all are having a great week!

STUFF AND THINGS

When I saw Ryan's post today, I thought I would jump in with some random updates. So, I'm linking up with Kristin and Joey for the first time!

:: One of my 101 in 1001 is to watch 10 classic films. I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's a few weeks ago for the first time. It is SO not what I thought it was. But I thought it was really really cute. I did get super upset near the end though (with the cat thing). I almost turned it off.. thankfully things turned around pretty quick! Ha. Do y'all have any suggestions for other classic movies?

:: I'm reading like 6 books currently. Seriously. I have a book in every room, one on the stationary bike for when I work out, and a few in my car. I just pick up whichever one is close and start reading. Somehow, I can keep them all separate in my head.  I need to do a post on all my recent reads.

:: I'm about out of all my makeup. I always wait until the very last minute to replace things. I LOVE to go to Ulta and get my shop on. But, I'm not super fond of the hit our bank account takes. So, I've been going makeup free most days. I've been making lists of things to try and I should really go before the list gets any more out of hand!

:: Speaking of makeup... do y'all worry about what's in your makeup? I am trying to get stuff that is paraben free. It's been a struggle. It has REALLY limited my eye makeup options. Mascara is the most difficult for me to find that is paraben free and good quality. Do y'all have any suggestions?

:: The Dallas Cowboys are playing in London this week. I SO wish I could be there. I've always wanted to go to England. I blame it on all the chick lit I've read (Shopaholic series... I'm looking at you!).

:: We are going to the car show tonight. I haven't been in a few years, but we are hoping to get me new car in the near future and C's sister works for a dealer so she got us tickets. Also...my husband LOVES to go to the car show. He's pretty excited!

:: When we were out driving around one day last week, we found an antique sewing desk in front of a house. They just wanted to get rid of it... so we got it for FREE. YAY!! I was looking for a sort of side table for the living room, and this fit perfectly.

:: We are refinishing our media cabinet (it's really just an old dresser) this weekend. We may actually get our living room pulled together. We've only lived here 8 months.. I guess it's time.

NOT SO WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY

I didn't weigh in last night. It was cold and rainy and C worked late. And well, I just didn't feel like going.

But, I did weigh on the scales at home (like I do everyday) and I'm fairly confident I'm at least back down to where I was before last week's gain. I am SO SO SO close to dropping a "decade" on the scales at home. But... they are about 3 pounds off from the scales at WW, so it's all so confusing.

Since I gave myself "permission" to loosen the reigns on Whole 30 (until the new year).... I have struggled. Putting the restrictions of the program in play made me want a soda like a madwoman. But, when I told myself that I could have a soda IF I really really wanted one (and acknowledged that I was indeed having one... not just doing it mindlessly)... I went crazy. Soda for breakfast. Soda for Tuesday. Soda. Soda. Soda.  Also, I feel weird typing soda...as I typically call all sodas "coke". But then I didn't want to talk about my addiction to "coke" on the blog because I always feel like I need to justify that it's soda not the other. Ha. That is how you know you have a problem (with a sugar addiction AND with over thinking EVERY LITTLE THING!).

Anyway, I have done some activity. We even got really brave the other night and went to the gym. Watch out world!!!

I just feel like I'm staring at this HUGE mountain. Sometimes I feel like I've got a really good hold on things. I mean, I know that it is going to be a long journey and everything... but I feel like I've got it under control. And then there are other times where I feel like any footing that I did have goes crumbling and I slide back to starting position. It's so frustrating.

But, the good news is that I haven't lost motivation! I'm still getting up everyday and doing what I can. Instead of climbing the mountain and sliding back down it, maybe I need to try MOVING the mountain. Getting it out of my way!!

Sidenote: I'm reading a book about the Bible (not about weight loss at all) and the author uses the "move a mountain" analogy when she talks about learning/studying the Bible. She says to do it, you've got to do it one spoonful of dirt at a time. It's a lot like something I remember telling me one time about a spoonful of water being able to fill a pool. Sure, it's a super slow method... but it will do it a lot quicker than never adding water to it at all.

I think the same can be said about my weight loss. Some people get a big ole shovel or backhoe and are able to plow through their mountain (weight loss journey) fairly quick. Whereas most of the time, I feel like I'm working with a flimsy little plastic spoon. But? That little spoon will do more damage than doing nothing. Right?!

My "goal" for this week is more of the same. I'm just going to keep tracking (I did pretty good.. maybe 70% last week). I'm also doing better with my sleep issue... which I think makes a HUGE difference!!

Okay, enough rambling. I promise to post about other fun things (ie not weight loss related!!) soon!!

Have a great week y'all.

HAPPY NOVEMBER

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It is finally feeling a bit like fall here!! I think the high today is in the mid 60's!! I can get on board with this kind of weather!! We are headed out the door to my nephew's playoff football game and this will be the first time it will actually feel like football weather!! So exciting!!

1.  Celebrate our SIX year anniversary!

2.  Go to Roadhouse on Terry's birthday (this is a new tradition C and I started last year!)

3.  Exercise at least 8x  

4.  Read 5 books

5.  Try to do some stuff on my Fall Bucket List 

6.  Get Christmas decorations out of storage and organized (and decorate, if there is time).

7.  Go to church 

8.  Refinish media cabinet

9.  Get curtains for living room

10. Paint dining room chairs and buffet

11. Get accepted to teaching program (need to send in application)

12. Get hair colored (NEED TO DO THIS!!!)

13. Get family pictures done 

14. Picture a day 

15. Finish (and win!) the diet bets I'm participating in

16. Organize paperwork

17. Unpack 5 boxes from storage

18. Deep clean apartment

19. Continue working on budget

20. Watch the Cowboys WIN (I'll need help with this one!)
* BONUS: Make our Christmas Bucket List

It would be JUST LOVELY if I marked everything off. But, in the spirit of really trying to be a bit easier on myself, my main goal for this month is to be more intentional with my time. That's kind of a vague/open-ended goal. But, I have noticed from the past few weeks that I get caught up in non-important things (social media and games on my phone!). I never really thought it was that big of a deal... I mean it's just a few minutes here and there, right?! But, I'm noticing is that it is a lot more here and there than I realized. 

So that's... my focus for the month. Putting the phone away and doing self checks (like asking myself: "Is this a good use of your time, Tricia?"). Hoping this helps me to be more present in social situations (C and I are both really bad at looking at stuff on our phone at dinner). And, it would be nice to free up some time to actually do the things on my to-do list. Ha.

Have a great weekend!!!

GOODBYE OCTOBER

I'm barely getting this post in on the right day! C and I had made plans for today, so he took off from work. But, then the plans got changed... so we ended up just having "a day of fun"! He has been working a ton of overtime... and I was missing him!! Today was just what I needed!!

Anyway...

I know I did a big reflective type post yesterday, so I won't be doing that again. But, I just want to say that I have really enjoyed the last month. Coming up with something to write about each day started to get difficult, but I am SO glad that I stuck with it.

I have a tendency to quit when things get tough. I hate to admit that about myself, but, there it is. I'm a quitter. I know that blogging for 31 days straight about a single topic isn't that big of a deal... but the fact that I stuck with it is a big deal (to me anyway).

Here's the thing. I knew I was capable of writing everyday. And, I know I'm capable of losing this weight and getting healthy. I can look at the big picture and think about how daunting it seems. Or, I can take it day by day... and just get through the next 24 hours. Some days I worked on several blog posts in one day... and other days, that day's post was all I could manage. I think my weight loss journey is going to be a lot like that. Some days I may be feeling super motivated and organized. And some days, I may have to just focus on what I can do for that day.

The thing is... the time passes anyway. I'm glad I sat down to write a post everyday... if just to prove to myself that I could.  I don't mean to over simplify the task of losing weight. Obviously it's far more difficult (and time consuming) than trying to write for 31 days in a row. But, I think the same principle applies. Do what you can do today. Get through today. The days (and pounds and inches) WILL add up.

That is my takeaway for this month. I can do this. And completing a challenge feels a lot better than quitting one!

October Goals

1.  Hit the 20 pound lost mark 

2.  Organize my  paperwork (I started, that has to count for something!)

3.  Exercise 8x (I did 7x)

4.  Read 5 books (I read 2)

5.  Blog everyday for the 31 Day Challenge

6.  Get a spirit shirt (buy or make) for Dalton's football season 

7.  Go to church (we are trying new churches)

8.  Refinish media cabinet (we picked out and bought the paint!)

9.  Get curtains for living room (I went to pick them up today and they didn't have them in stock!)

10. Finish paperwork for school (Finished application, need to finish letter of intent)

11. Make calendar of important dates and mail cards/get gifts

12. Get hair colored

13. Get/make a fall wreath

14. Picture a day 

15. Make 2 new recipes

16. Get rings inspected and cleaned

17. Unpack 5 boxes from storage

18. Deep clean apartment

19. Continue working on budget (this is proving to be an on-going thing)

20. Watch the Cowboys WIN

I did okay this month. I thought it was going to be a lot worse than it is. A lot of my goals are sort of in progress... I guess that is better than nothing. Most of what I didn't get done is money and time related. Ha. Isn't that the story of my life?!

I will talk more about my November goals tomorrow!!

REFLECTION

Tomorrow I will be doing my traditional end of month blog post. I'll look at how I fared with my goals for the past month as well as setting some new goals for the next month. 

If you've been around here any time at all, you'll know how much I love goals and to-do lists.

You'll also know that I appear to love them far more than I love doing the things that are on them! While that holds some truth, in actuality... I do have the best intentions when creating them.

So, tomorrow... I will talk more about those in specifics. But, for today, I thought I would share some of my thoughts on goal setting and how (and if) it is really helpful.

I'd like to think I'm pretty ambitious. Day dreaming is NOT a problem for me. I'm pro to-do lists and daily/weekly/monthly/yearly/big picture goal setting. I really do believe that you at least need to acknowledge what direction you want your life to go. Maybe you talk to friends/family about it, maybe you write it down, maybe you do a vision board. Whatever.  

But, there are some drawbacks to this. For me, there is no filter. I just think about it and add it to the list. My "lists" are forever long. Which is great... but it's also kind of a mess. And... sometimes I think that there is so much on my "want to-do's/need to-do's" that I am sort of walking in circles.... like I'm basically in the same place as someone who has nothing on their list. Does this make sense?

I've spent a lot of this past month thinking about why I can't seem to get going with certain things... okay... ALL THE THINGS.  I joke and say I'm lazy or busy or whatever. And those are definitely things to consider. But really? I think there is more to the problem. Comparison has really started to be an issue for me. It's something I definitely need to work on. But the other issue... the one that I think plays the biggest role in my forever feeling stuck... is that I have no true direction.

You can see this in all of my goals (seriously I have weekly, monthly, season, and big picture goals). You can even see it in my post about my dream career. Y'all, I'm scatterbrained!! The truth is, I probably wont ever stop making these lists. But, I do need to learn to edit and prioritize. 

What does any of this have to do with weight loss? Well, I think this is an area of my life where it's sort of all or nothing in my thinking. And so, I set all these goals. I feel like they are reasonable enough. I mean, I should be drinking 88 ounces of water and getting at least 2 servings of fruit and vegetables. I should be doing cardio and strength training. I should be tracking my points and going to my meeting. I should be watching what types of food I'm eating. I should be getting enough sleep. 

But, the problem is... all these years (and for multiple reasons) I HAVEN'T been doing these things. So, though they are all pretty basic health goals... it's really asking myself to go from nothing to all the things. (Sidenote... this is just about my story/journey. I do realize lots of people would think my unaccomplished goals for the week would be a walk in the park). 

So my all or nothing mentality produces mega-lists with no productivity (or, very little). I can't help but wonder if I focused less on ALL and more on a few key elements... if I wouldn't have MORE success?

I've had several readers email or comment suggesting just that. It make sense. And, I mean, it can't get much worse! Ha.  So, while I will still make these lists (fairly certain it is in my DNA). I am going to challenge myself to pick one or two things to REALLY focus on.

As for my dream of losing weight? Nothing is really changing. Getting healthy is definitely a priority for me. But the way I go about it is going to change. My weekly goals (that I posted yesterday) are still my weekly goals.

But, I think right now I'm just going to focus on tracking my food. If I have time to get the points figured out... great. If I get in all my healthy guidelines and stay on program? Wonderful. But, for now... I just want to write it down (well, track it in the app). 

I am finishing up It Starts With Food, and I am definitely sold on the Whole 30 plan. C and I still both want to challenge ourselves. And, I am going to try and incorporate a lot of what I have learned into our daily lives. But, right now, my only focus is to just track what I'm eating. That is how I will gauge my "success" (and I use that term loosely) for the week. Once I've mastered this, or at least made it a pretty solid habit... I will decide what I want to conquer next.

Wow. When I sat down to write this post, I didn't realize I would be writing a novel. But this month of writing about weight loss... while not bringing any real weight loss.. has been quite a learning experience. And, I wanted to share some of what I have been thinking about with y'all.

 Bless you if you made it to the end. And, thanks for your support :) 

WEIGH WEDNESDAY

Y'all.... I had an internal debate going on pretty much all of yesterday. Do I go to my meeting (and weigh in) or do I skip it?  I KNEW it was going to be bad. I mean, not only did I completely fall of the Whole 30 program over the weekend, I pretty much fell off the WW program. I really didn't want to go and face the scale.

But, I went anyway. I even stayed for the meeting. And just like those Sunday mornings where I struggle to go to church... and the sermon ends up being everything I need to hear... last night's meeting message was basically a wake up call for me. I'll share more about the topic in an upcoming post!

So that's the good news. The bad news is that I gained. A lot. 1.6 pounds! SO depressing. And, if you are keeping count you'll see that I have really only lost .6 pounds this month. Not even a silly little pound. I don't really have anything to say other than it is what it is. Did I make some changes this month? Yes. I'm sure that is why I didn't GAIN weight. Did I give it my all? Nope. Not even a fraction of what I know I could have done. And, that is why I'm sitting at where I was 4 weeks ago.



Anyway... it shouldn't be any surprise that I didn't do so good on my weekly goals either. Coincidence? I'm thinking not!

MY GOALS FOR LAST WEEK (10/22 - 10/28)

Blog everyday

Whole 30 everyday!!!

Finish reading It Starts With Food

Cardio 3x (min 20 minutes)

Strength train 1x

Drink 88 ounces (min) of water everyday

2 Fruit (min) and 2 Veggie (min) everyday

Track all food/activity

Go to bed (lights out) by midnight every night. 

Go to my WW meeting (Tuesday nights)

Cook 4 meals at home (we are so bad about this)

Work more on rewards list (more on this soon!)

Daily to-do lists (I need a list to be productive!)

So, yeah. WOMP WOMP.

I'm almost done with the book (it's pretty dense with lots of science-y stuff... it's SUPER interesting... but not a "quick" read for me). I did work out once. HA. I didn't track my food (except for my good days on Whole 30) so I have no idea about the fruit/veggies and water... but I'm guessing I wasn't consistent on these. We did cook a couple of nights (but not 4).  I'm sitting here looking at this list thinking "what exactly DID you do last week Tricia?". That's not a good feeling. Although, to be fair... I was sick for half the week.

Though I won't be blogging about my weight loss journey everyday after this month, it will still certainly be a big part of this blog (hopefully I will find success on that journey soon!). I'm not really sure how I will go about sharing that, but I hope to at least continue the weekly weigh ins and goals. We'll see how it goes.

October 29 thru November 4

Finish reading It Starts With Food

Go to the gym at least 3x (minimum 20 minutes)

Drink 88 ounces (min) of water everyday

2 Fruit (min) and 2 Veggie (min) everyday

Track all food/activity

Go to bed (lights out) by midnight every night. 

Go to my WW meeting (Tuesday nights)

Cook 4 meals at home (we are so bad about this)

Work more on rewards list (more on this soon!)

Daily to-do lists (I need a list to be productive!)

With the exception of a few items (finishing It Starts With Food and my rewards list), these are basically my own personal "healthy guidelines" every week. They are pretty simple and should be easy to achieve. But, I clearly struggle with them. I will continue to focus on these until they become second nature... and then I will go from there.

I will be back tomorrow to talk about my plans going forward.

How was your week?

CONFESSION SESSION

1, It's Tuesday afternoon and I want to eat ALL THE THINGS.

This is par for the course, as my Weight Watcher meeting and weigh in is in a few hours. In the past I would literally starve myself all day before my meeting. I can't (and obviously shouldn't) do that now. But, I do try to not pig out in the hours leading up to my weigh in. Of course, my mind usually has other plans.

I mean, the minute I tell myself I'm not going to do or have something, my brain goes to work fighting for it. 

Which, leads me to confession two....

2. I fell off the Whole 30 plan. And then I fell again... HARD. 

So a big component of the Whole 30 is that you don't mess up. If you cheat (intentionally or accidentally) you are supposed to start over. The premise of the plan is that you are not only working to detoxify your body and retrain your cravings... but also to deal with your emotional relationship with food.

So, last week... a day or two in to the program, I cheated. It was SUPER small...and I immediately felt guilty, so I threw away the problem. I confessed to my husband, mother and a friend. And, vowed to get back on track. Which, I did.

Until Thursday night, when I got SO sick. All I wanted to (and could) eat were saltine crackers. Then, mashed potatoes. The crackers are absolutely not on plan, and the potatoes could be, but I doubt the ones I had were. I finally started feeling better Sunday. But, when C got called back into work Sunday evening, I decided to ride up there with him. We stopped and got grilled chicken salads on the way. I had guacamole as my "dressing" (Whole 30 approved!) but completely forgot to cut the black beans and cheese. UGH.  It seems like I take 2 steps forward and 1 step back everyday. Or maybe the other way around.

I know I should start over, but I also know my mind. If I tell myself that I'm starting over... I will continue to mess up and "start over". This is something I have learned about myself recently...

3. I'm messed up. Ha.

I've been overweight most of my life. I've tried diet after diet. But, in the last year or so, I've learned so much about myself.... by just asking the "WHY?!" question over and over.  I have a sweet friend that we email back and forth our weight loss struggles. I always tell her that I can't figure out why I am the way I am. I'm messed up! 

In all seriousness.... I think about that a lot. A LOT. I've talked a lot about the reasons why I think I've struggled (see my post on bad habits here). And those are all still very much relevant (and still very much problematic). But, WHY do I continue to do these things... especially when I recognize them as problems?

I joke about being lazy, and to an extent... I am. I mean, I would rather lay on the couch and read a book than work out or do housework. But, it's not like that is what I'm actually doing. I just can't figure out why, when I know I shouldn't have (insert whatever it is here) that is all I can think about?

4. I'm tired of feeling defeated. 

Some days I feel really motivated and successful. The scale is going down (slowly...but at least it is dropping). Other days? I feel like I can't do anything right... and all I want to eat is sugar. And salt. 

Anyway, I hate that this is another kind of "blah" post. I promise I'm not a Debbie Downer all of the time. I just wanted to get these feelings documented. I literally just googled books on overcoming laziness. Maybe I could justify laying on the couch reading one of those?

KEEP ON GOING

I feel like I'm slowly running out of juice on this 31 days of weight loss blogging. I am looking forward to blogging about whatever I want here in a few days!

source unknown

But, I am going to stick with it. I mean, it's just 5 more days...and two of them are already planned out.


And...I think it's really important that I complete this task. Why? Because I am really, really, really good at NOT completing tasks.

I mean, in school and at work, I was always a goody goody. I got everything (plus extra) done.

But, in my personal life?

NOPE.

I have all these plans and set all these goals. Occasionally that's as far as I get (the goal setting). Or, I may start working towards something with minimal enthusiasm. And, every once in a while... I start with all kinds of willpower and motivation.

But I almost always quit before I achieve my goal.

SAD.

And, it's one of the things I hate MOST about myself. I don't know why I can be so diligent and hardworking if it's for other people... but not put in the same kind of effort if it's for me and my own well being or pleasure.

source

So, as silly a challenge as it is to blog 31 days about the same topic... I'm pushing myself to complete the task. It's my hope that if I continue to set these kind of challenges for myself (in all areas of my life) and actually PUSH myself to complete them.... I may just change my way of doing things.

I know that other people can trust me. And that's great. But, I want to be able to trust myself!!

I am excited that when this challenge is over, I'll be reporting a weight loss for the month. And, beyond sticking to the goal of writing everyday, that is REALLY what this month was about. I just need to get the ball rolling and hopefully it will pick up steam and provide all kinds of success for me.

I'd like to think that next October, I could blog 31 days about what it's like to be skinny after being overweight my whole life.

That's a challenge I could get on board with!

WHAT WE EAT

I get a lot of questions about what we eat when we are losing weight. I've admitted (on several occasions) that we have a bad habit of eating out. Interesting enough, when we eat out a lot... we don't lose weight! Ha.

But, there are a few things we like to cook at home that are (fairly) healthy. So long as you don't break out the cheese and sour cream (which, we usually do... ugh).

Anyway, here are some of our go-to recipes. They aren't all Whole 30 approved, but you could make some adjustments to get them that way (well, maybe not the corn chowder).

CROCK-POT CHICKEN
I think this is one that most people have seen on Pinterest. It's SUPER easy. We just put 4 boneless/skinless chicken breasts in the crock-pot, add a jar of salsa (our favorite is the Joe T Garcia's Mild).  We usually just cook in on high for 4 hours and then switch it over to medium or low until we are ready to eat. Love a good low-maintenance recipe! Ha. It shreds really easy as you take it out of the crock-pot. SO good. We use it on salads, rice bowls. I also like to just mix it with some avocado and tomato and make kind of Mexican chicken salad.

WEIGHT WATCHERS CORN CHOWDER

picture from Weight Watchers

See the recipe HERE.
I made this for the first time a few years ago and we immediately added it into the rotation. I really like it the next day, after the flavors have all sort of mixed together.

We don't use celery or Canadian bacon. I'm not a fan of either.. but occasionally we will just top with some regular bacon crumbles and some reduced fat cheese.

BAKED VEGGIES (and CHICKEN)
Another recipe I'm sure everyone has seen on Pinterest is the baked chicken with potatoes, onions and green beans. It's all in a casserole dish with a stick of melted butter and a packet of Italian seasoning mix.  Well, we made that a couple of times, but eventually decided to use about a tablespoon of olive oil (instead of butter) and no seasoning (we just use garlic powder, salt and pepper) and it was just as good. We do have to cook it will foil though, so it doesn't burn.

And, we do all kinds of variations with that dish. Our standard is carrots, squash, zucchini, onions and potatoes. We make this about once a week and then eat on it for a few days. We usually steam some asparagus and have a little salad to go with. VEGGIE TIME! Ha.

Occasionally we will add chicken... but we really like it without.

SPAGHETTI
So, this kind of a given. It's one of the easiest things to make, and my poor husband gets to eat it A LOT. Thankfully, he's a big spaghetti fan.

We usually brown some onions and peppers and then add lean turkey meat.  We season with garlic powder. Once that is all cooked, we add our favorite sauce (we usually get one with no sugar added). Then we may put that over whole grain noodles, or spaghetti squash.

More often than not, we make it without meat, but brown some squash and zucchini with the onions and peppers and have that instead.

So, those are our basic recipes. I need to try new recipes... and I set that goal every month, but we always seem to come back to these old favorites!

What are some of your healthier recipes?

FAVORITES : WL INSPIRATION

I love weight loss success stories. Love.

I thought I would share a few of my current favorite Instagram sources for inspiration. 

@emifitness

 Emi just started her journey this year and is already down 60+ pounds. AMAZING!! She is on a weight loss roll...and I always look forward to her transformation pictures... because you can see a difference each week!

@finallyaliveafter25

 Kate is one of the co-hosts (along with her sister) of one of the dietbets I'm doing. She is one of the first weight loss accounts I stumbled upon, and she has ALWAYS been inspiring! She's very real and very easy to relate with.

@nicole__anne

 Nicole has lost 151 pounds (YES 151 pounds!!!). She looks so amazing.

@bri_getsfit

Bri has lost 100 pounds. How cute is she? 

What are some of your favorite weight loss Instagram accounts?

LOOKING FORWARD TO IT

I talked the other day about some of my weight loss rewards I have planned. Most of them are things I want to buy myself. I know it may seem silly to some, and I get that. But, I have a really bad habit of denying myself certain things because of my weight. Sometimes because it doesn't come in my size or I wouldn't feel comfortable. And sometimes, it's because of this mental block I have going on that tells me I don't deserve it. Obviously the latter is something I need to work on, but that's a post for another day!

I also have lots of other rewards that aren't tied to a specific amount of weight loss. These are more like non-scale victories I can't wait to celebrate!!

I thought I would share a few with y'all today.

1. Wrapping a towel around me and it covering everything.

2. Running a mile. And then running some more!

3. Being comfortable in jeans. And not having that red indentation on my waist.

4. Being comfortable in heels.

5. Losing the double chin.

6. Getting my wedding rings sized down.

7. Not being worried about booth seating being awkward (this usually is because of my height and chest... I always feel like my chest is sitting on the table! Ha).

8. Not feeling awkward, like my body doesn't match my personality. I always feel like I'm wearing a fat suit... if that makes sense. I'll be glad when that isn't the case!

9. Wearing dresses. They feel like moo-moo's on me now :(

10. Tucking my shirt in. I NEVER do this now.

11. Walking into a store and "normal" sizes fit.

12. Boots not being tight on my calves.

13. When people start to notice my weight loss. That is SO motivating for me!

I'm sure there are several more... and I'll be sure to share them as they happen. I think beyond the number on the scale going down, any rewards I may buy myself and even the health benefits... these non scale victories are some of the best.  I sometime feel like I'm missing out on all these things in life. Even if they are silly (like tucking in my shirt), they are things that bother me. It's exciting to think one day... they wont be issues anymore!!

Have a great week!!!

SMALL VICTORIES

I am really starting to struggle with this 31 day writing challenge. I still have several topics I want to write about, but I just haven't had the time to sit down and fully flesh them out.  I am hoping to do some of that this weekend! I can't believe next week is the end of the month.

Today, I want to keep it simple. This Whole 30 program is hard for me. I'm still plugging along, but not without some serious struggles. I went to bed feeling a little defeated last night. I hate that!

Even though I said I would try to cut back on weighing myself everyday, I stepped on the scale this morning... out of habit.

And I weighed the lowest I've weighed in over a year. It was only about 1/2 a pound lower than my previous lowest weight (last week).  And, I'm still 15 pounds HEAVIER than my heaviest weight (got that) from when I joined WW in 2012. BUT...after two years of steadily gaining, this is a welcome sight!! I'll take it!!

Now, if I could just quit daydreaming about soda.

NOT SO WEIGH IN WEDNESDAY

I ended up not going to my meeting last night. I had too many things to do and there just wasn't enough time. But, I did want to share a little scale related story with y'all.  After last weeks weigh in, I was feeling pretty great. I think that 10 pound mark got me feeling a little sassy. That mixed with the knowledge that I would be starting a dietbet and Whole 30 this week had me feeling like I could eat anything I wanted.

And so I did. We ate out a lot in the last week. We always try to share our meal. We always get water. We don't get desserts or anything like that. But, clearly eating out every meal is not the healthiest way to go.

So, when I went to do my official weigh in's Monday night for my dietbets... OH MY GOODNESS. I was up several pounds. My scales at home are pretty consistent with the scales at my meetings... and according to that, I was up FOUR pounds!!! So that's not good.

Yesterday was day one of Whole 30 and I think it went really well (today is a different story!!). When I got on the scale this morning, I was back down to my "normal" weight. Whew. I pray that I can keep this up and see continued success. I do plan on going back to my meeting next week.

In other news, I thought I would look at last weeks goals and see how I did (spoiler alert: bad).

MY GOALS FOR LAST WEEK (10-15 to 10-21)

Blog everyday

Cardio 3x (min 20 minutes)

Strength train 1x

Drink 88 ounces (min) of water everyday

2 Fruit (min) and 2 Veggie (min) everyday

Track all food/activity

Go to bed (lights out) by midnight every night. 

Take before pictures and measurements (I keep forgetting!)

Go to my WW meeting (Tuesday nights)

Cook 4 meals at home (we are so bad about this)

Make rewards list (more on this soon!)

Daily to-do lists (I need a list to be productive!)

So, I kind of dropped that ball on working out and tracking (and eating fruits and veggies). I'm hoping that this week will get better with that, since I'm not tracking points... I just need to write down everything I eat (easy enough, right?).  I am getting better at the going to bed earlier. I went to bed before midnight last night (now I just need to figure out how to sleep 7 hours straight without getting up 100x). 

I did get my before pictures and measurements done (finally)... thanks to the dietbet! I worked on my rewards list some as well. Not the best week as far as productivity is concerned... and the scale definitely showed that. 

(October 22 - October 28)

Blog everyday

Whole 30 everyday!!!

Finish reading It Starts With Food

Cardio 3x (min 20 minutes)

Strength train 1x

Drink 88 ounces (min) of water everyday

2 Fruit (min) and 2 Veggie (min) everyday

Track all food/activity

Go to bed (lights out) by midnight every night. 

Go to my WW meeting (Tuesday nights)

Cook 4 meals at home (we are so bad about this)

Work more on rewards list (more on this soon!)

Daily to-do lists (I need a list to be productive!)

So, basically, a lot more of the same. Maybe one day I won't need to remind myself to do these kind of things... they will just be healthy habits. I can't wait for that... not so much because I hate the to-do list, but because I look forward to getting healthier every week!!

WHOLE 30

Today is day one of my Whole 30 experience. So far? I'm doing okay. Haha! I figure I only have roughly 88 meals to go! LOL

When I started on my 31 day weight loss blogging challenge this month, I really just wanted to focus on making changes. I knew that I would be doing the Weight Watchers program. I love the accountability of weighing in and the fellowship that happens during the meeting.

But, I also knew that I wanted to give Whole 30 a chance (eventually). I've wanted to do it since my sweet friend Melissa did her 30 days last fall. This challenge is TOTALLY out of my comfort zone. I like all the breads I can get. And, I'm not that big on meat and eggs. I kept thinking WHAT WILL I EAT?!!!  I knew doing the program would require some pretty big changes. I hate to admit this, but I started doubting myself before I even really tried.

But here I am.. a little over the half way point in my 31 days of blogging challenge... and I'm starting Whole 30 and two dietbets! Ha.  I'm just trying to keep the motivation train moving!

You can read all about the Whole 30 program on their website, but one of the rules is that you do not weigh yourself for 30 days.

Is it pitiful that this is the most troublesome rule for me? I weigh myself EVERY day. I will say that I don't get overly wrapped up in it. I mean, it's not automatically a horrible day if I'm up a pound (or 10). I just sort of do it out of habit.

One of the main aspects of WW is that you weigh in every week. See my dilemma?! Ha. I have decided that I'm not going to count points this next 30 days. WW has a program that is similar to Whole 30. And, by doing Whole 30 I'll be mostly within the tenets of WW anyway. But, I'd still really like to go to the meetings.  I'm not sure yet if I'll be weighing in each week (I can use "no weigh in" passes). But, I'm nosy AND I'm a rule breaker, so we'll see!

I think the important thing is that I've committed to doing the program for 30 days. If I feel like my weigh in's are jeopardizing that, I'll quit. I'm also going to hide the scale at home so that if I do weigh in at WW, that is the only time I will weigh in.

I know none of this matters at all to most of you! Ha. But, I thought I'd share anyway!

I'll be back tomorrow with an update on day one, my weigh in results (if I do decide to weigh in) as well as my weekly goals!!

Hope everyone is having a great week.

WANT THIS PLEASE : WEIGHT LOSS REWARDS

Losing weight and getting healthy are reason (and reward!) enough to make some lifestyle changes. I absolutely believe this. But, for someone like me (stubborn and lazy with really, really bad habits), sometimes, rewarding myself with things can be beneficial. And... it's just plain fun!

I have a lot of weight to lose. When I would lose weight in the past, it would be 20 or 30 pounds before I (or anyone else) noticed the weight loss. As excited as I was about losing weight... that wasn't very motivating.  So, I like the idea of celebrating those losses as often as possible. I have a little something (and a couple of big somethings) planned for every 5 pounds I lose.

I thought I would share some of the things on my rewards list with y'all.

one/two/three/four/five/six/seven/eight/nine

Let me say again that I have a lot (A LOT) of weight to lose. I can't be rewarding myself with super expensive, extravagant things for every five pounds I lose (though, that would be so much fun!). So, I have lots of "small" items on my rewards list... things I would probably by anyway (nail polish, music downloads, magazines, fresh flowers etc) but that I want to hold off  and instead purchase as sort of a celebration of that particular weight loss goal being met.

I like the idea of rewarding myself with things that can then be used to help me as I continue on this journey. Things like workout clothes, new nikes, music downloads, fitness dvds, etc are a lot of the items on my list.

I also have some "big ticket" items for when I hit a bigger weight loss goals (mostly 25 pound increments... but also some other personal milestones). I can't wait to get my Dez Bryant Jersey (still not sure where I'm going to put that on the list.. maybe 50 pounds!).

For my 100 pound (yes, 100 pounds...ugh) reward... I have those super cute Corral Boots on my list. I have loved them for SO SO SO long. I am so excited that I am only 89 (only..ha) pounds away from them!!!

Of course, I haven't even rewarded myself for the first 10 pounds lost yet! I better get on it!!

What are some of the items on your weight loss rewards list?

SUNDAY NIGHT RAMBLES

So, it's 11pm on Sunday night.... I guess I should blog today!

We have had a really fun weekend. Which, is odd... because we really didn't do much. I guess that is the benefit of marrying someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with.  But that is a post for another day.

via Dallas Cowboys Facebook page

1. Football
My nephews team won yesterday! They moved up an age bracket this year, but are playing against some teams that have been in the bracket for an additional year. We got a little spoiled last year... winning the league Super Bowl. This season has been a bit trickier. But... we are now 3-3 and have a chance at the playoffs! Yay!

The Cowboys are 6-1 after today's win. I can not even handle it. I'm so excited. SO SO SO excited. I'm a huge Cowboys fan. I have ALWAYS been a huge fan... even when the games weren't as fun to watch as they are this season. But, this is a blast!!!

2. Whole 30
I have been plugging away at the book. It is REALLY interesting. I swear, I am seeing myself in almost everything I have read so far (all the bad stuff!). Ha. I am planning on starting my 30 days Tuesday. I'm nervous... I'm not always the best at sticking to things... but I'm going to try and blog/share on social media as a way to keep me accountable.

3. DietBet
I mentioned joining a DietBet in Friday's post. I ended up joining TWO! Yikes. Talk about motivation... I need to get my money back!! Ha. I will do my official picture taking and weigh in tomorrow because both bets start early this week!

4. Bad Thinking
SO basically... my last "free" day is tomorrow. I start Whole 30 and one of the bets on Tuesday and then the other bet the next day (each bet runs 28 days). And I have been OVERLY aware of this. And... I have unfortunately used it as an excuse to eat poorly all weekend. Like, way bad. It's as if I got so wrapped up in this "stuff" I'm going to start this next week, that I forgot that I am already trying to make (permanent) changes. I need to remember that it isn't some one-off thing. I am wanting to continually move towards a more healthy life.

I clearly have a bad relationship with food. This weekend has just been another eye opening experience for me in regards to that. I pray that I make it through the entire 30 days of the program. I hate that I'm already worried about not being able to do it faithfully.

So....

I am declaring right now that I am going to succeed in this 30 day challenge. I mean, goodness gracious... it's only a month.  I pray that it changes the way I think about food. Of course I want to lose weight (preferably over 4%... so I can get my DietBet winnings! ha)... but I really, really want to change the way I eat.

Instead of thinking about how tomorrow is my last/only chance to eat poorly (I'm looking at you french fries and Coke) I'm going to think about how tomorrow is one day closer to changing my relationship with food. Instead of thinking about how this is going to be so difficult,  I'm going to think about how much of a blessing this can be to me.

I hope y'all had a great weekend!! I hope we all have an AMAZING week!!